As I was sitting in Starbucks I noticed a couple in their 50’s walk toward the seating area where they have the comfortable chairs. As they approached the chairs, I noticed that there was only one padded, comfortable chair available. I was curious to see what this man would do. My first thought was of my father and what he would have done. This would be a “no brainer” for my dad. He would have given the chair to my mom, and then either stood by her side until another chair became available or gotten a hard wooden chair and sat by her side. Well, to my surprise, this man sat in the comfortable chair with no thought or concern for his wife. His wife then went to a section where there was an available wooden chair and carried this chair next to where her husband was sitting and sat down by his side. This man clearly did not regard any of this as odd…or wrong.
What is wrong with the men of today?
Although this man’s demeanor was strong and confident, he lacks the one thing that would actually make him a great leader: a servant’s heart. Men were created to be leaders, not dictators. A woman desires to follow a great man—that is how she was wired. The problem is that most men are not real men anymore; they have either become wimps or dictators. Many men have forgotten that one of the greatest secrets to a happy marriage lies in his ability to serve his wife. You need to treat your wife like a Queen if you want her to treat you like a King. A great woman completes a man, but it is the responsibility of the man to help his wife become that person. A marriage is a team effort, but it is the man’s responsibility to head up that team. Whether you like it or not, men, the health of your marriage is your responsibility. A great marriage begins with you.
Men, it’s time to step up to the plate and start leading your marriage and families. It’s time to become real men.
Good news, men: This is the good part of the article, where I will teach you how to wield a magical way over your wife through your actions. I will also give you the three secrets on how to get that ultimate influence over your wife that you have always dreamed of having.
I believe there are three things you can do to make your marriage great, and these three things, when properly executed, will indeed yield a magical way over your wife and empower her to fulfill every desire of your heart.
- Treat her like a Queen and crown her daily.
The way you treat your wife will directly affect the way that she treats you. By holding her in high esteem, she will have the confidence, and example, of how to treat you. I watch so many men talk down to their wives and belittle them as if they are less important than themselves—these are the “dictator jerk” men. I also see men whose wives are belittling them and telling them how to run the show…these are the wimpy men. Women don’t like dictators, and they don’t respect wimps. There is a healthy balance between these two extremes.
Do you let your wife know that she is important to you? Do you let her know how much you appreciate all that she does for you and your family? Do you make her feel like she is the most important person in your life? If not, then you’re not treating her like a Queen. Some physical ways you can treat her like a Queen are to:
- Put your hands on her face and tell her she is beautiful.
- When you come home, put your arms around her and tell her you love her.
- Reach out, take both of her hands, hold them, look into her eyes, and just say nothing.
Men, you want to see a new empowerment in your wife’s life? Try treating her as a Queen and see what happens.
2. Make lots of deposits into her bank account.
I am not talking about depositing into her financial bank account—although there is something to be said about that, too. I am talking about making deposits into her emotional bank account. Every person has an emotional bank account. This account is where we store all of the emotional things that happen to us. Examples of a deposit include a kind word spoken or a kind gesture performed. On the other hand, rude comments or disrespectful actions actually work as withdrawals from our wives’ emotional bank accounts. Our goal as great husbands should be to make more deposits than withdrawals. A quick note: A large enough withdrawal, such as cheating on your spouse, could bankrupt this account. It is also important to point out that deposits must be made from within your wife’s frame of reference—this means that your deposits must be things that she wants or needs. If you are bringing her strawberry shakes every day but she doesn’t like strawberries, then as loving as this may seem, you are not really depositing into her emotional bank account. Everyone has their own love language—this is the language that they speak and know. You need to discover her love language and speak it to her.
Here are some practical ways of making deposits into your wife’s emotional bank account:
- Buy the pack of colorful little sticky notes (don’t be cheap and buy or use the standard yellow ones) and then write little love notes and stick them around for her to find the next day when she wakes up. I have found this to be one of the simplest ways to help her conquer the day that lies ahead.
- Sit down with your wife when you get home and just listen to her. Don’t try to fix her problems, just listen. Don’t let yourself get distracted. Remember that she is the most important person in your life—treat her as such. Let her know that there is nowhere you would rather be at the moment than listening to everything she has to say. Have you ever noticed in the dating circles that it’s always the quiet guy that gets the really cute girls? There is a reason for this. Women LOVE men who listen to them; it makes them feel important. Start listening to your wife every day, take a real interest in what she is saying, and watch her respect and desire for you grow exponentially.
- Bring her flowers. As simple as this may sound, it is still so powerful. Women love flowers…especially for no reason. Men, if you messed up in some way, and then brought your wife flowers—you’re still at a net zero! But if you bring her flowers for no reason, and with no expectation—then that’s a real deposit. Why wait? Go buy some today! Do this and watch your relationship blossom before your eyes.
- Hug her often. This can be one of the greatest ways to make an emotional deposit…especially if she is lacking affection. Too often as men we get so busy trying to build our empire that we forget the one we are trying to take care of and build it for. Our wives are women, and women need affection…affection with no other expectation other than to make her feel loved, respected and appreciated. Start hugging her daily and watch how it will change her into a more complete person.
3. Cherish her. Hold her in high esteem. Protect her heart.
This is the magic that makes everything that you do work. By esteeming her you are letting her know that she is truly the most important part of your life. You are communicating that she is indeed more important than yourself. You treat her as she deserves to be treated, you love her as she deserves to be loved, and you treat her as the most important means to a happy life. As it has been said: Happy wife, happy life.
As it says in first Peter 3:7, “Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way.” How can we men truly understand our wives if we don’t study them? What makes your wife tick? What does she love? What does she hate? What is her love language? What does she need most from you? I frequently hear men commiserating with other men about the lack of understanding they have concerning their wife. I have no respect for a man who after many years of being married hasn’t figured out the least bit of how his wife works. We may never truly understand our wives, but we can always continue to strive and learn. What amazes me is that the same man who is clueless about how his wife works is often the one who has such an intimate knowledge of hunting deer that he wears deer urine to attract them. He can tell you anything about deer. His intimate knowledge of his passion makes him successful in his endeavor. What would happen if he had the same passion for figuring out his wife as he does for figuring out how to attract deer? He would have the most amazing marriage!
By selflessly putting her needs above your own, she will indeed feel cherished…and this is the final secret that really creates the magic.
So in conclusion, the three points were:
1. Treat her like a Queen and crown her daily
2. Make lots of deposits into her emotional bank account
3. Cherish her
These three things, when properly executed, will indeed yield a magical way over your wife and empower her to fulfill every desire of your heart—which at this point will only be to fulfill hers.
Now go home and serve your Queen!